I have never written an article about a session I have had with a client. I have written many articles that been inspired by the parallel journeys my clients and I take, but this one particular session was outside my experience. I was so moved by Ellen’s story, that, with her permission, I share this amazing tale. We both hope, that in some way, anyone reading this that has lost hope, may be inspired.
Ellen had been trying to have a child for 8 years. Her and her partner had tried many allopathic and holistic approaches. The hopes, then disappointments, the expectation, then the let down, the grief and sadness had been interwoven into their lives monthly. Ellen came to me because she was beginning peri-menopause and the sadness she felt over her broken dream was affecting her sense of well-being.
During the session I ask key questions in order for the Ellen to self-discover what is right for her.
“What does the loss feel like for you?” I ask.
Ellen breathes into her body and replies, “It is like a large crater-like hole, in my stomach area…you know like when you have had surgery and it is hollow and filled with scar tissue. I couldn’t create a baby.” Silence fills the room as Ellen feels deeper into her loss. “I am getting…out of the ashes..I see growth out of the ashes,” she continues.
“How is it to have a crater-like hole in this area?” I inquire.
“It’s like re-growth after lava flow, out of the ashes. I see a garden of flowers beginning to grow and a tree, green,” Ellen offers.
“ Ah,” I say and leave space for the development of whatever is to come.
As Ellen continues her visual journey of healing she reveals another insight. “pause…I am the Creator! I am not sure where that is coming from.”
The strength of the statement and how it is delivered tells me Ellen has touched on something significant for herself. “How are you the Creator, Ellen?” I ask.
She contemplates, “You know how when someone has a loss in their life they often become very busy trying to fill the hole? This is different. It is me who is the creator of the child and that is not happening. I am shifting the creativity. Taking the creative energy and changing it to a different form. I am the Creator , I just need to find a different expression for Creativity.”
The session continued as Ellen discovered and explored what creative expression meant for her. Afterwards, I reflected on our time together and realized that I could relate to her experience. I too have tried filling a hole. The inner void that gnaws at us while we try to fill it with external stuff: food, alcohol, work, TV. Often the hole is depthless and has the ability to deceive us into believing the more we do the greater the chance of filling the hole; a deception that is hard to move through. I am grateful to Ellen for showing me, with strength of character and grace, that when one’s hope or dream is shattered by uncontrollable circumstances, out of the ashes can arise life’s creative forces.